A famous quote from Tim Urban says ” when you are choosing a life partner, you are choosing a lot of things including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for 20 000 meals, your travel companion for over 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist and someone whose day you will hear about 18 000 times“
Honest and open conversations before getting married set a strong foundation for your marriage. My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. We received really great premarital counseling before we got married. Based on my own experience and lessons over the last fifteen years, here are five important topics that I believe ambitious working women should consider having with their partner before getting married. Please note my list is not exhaustive and it only focuses on conversations that relate to your career and work ambitions.
Career Goals – talk about your individual career aspirations and how you plan to support each other’s ambitions. How will you handle relocations to a different city or country if one of you was to get an opportunity that required such. How will you handle further education for each of you. These are all important discussions to have prior to marriage especially for women because we face unique challenges in the workplace. You want the comfort of knowing your partner is supportive of your ambitions and will help you navigate effectively.
Work- Life Balance – talk about how you envision balancing work, your personal life and family responsibilities. Clarify expectations regarding household chores and childcare if applicable. I have heard stories of women who only learnt after getting married that their husband expected them to be stay at home moms. I know we all have different aspirations as women. If yours is to take time off from pursuing a corporate career and look after your children that is totally fine. No judgment at all. Whatever your aspirations, share your expectations with your future husband. In dual income households, women still shoulder more weight when it comes to household chores and childcare responsibilities. Discussing your individual expectations pre-marriage is therefore important and helps you make an informed decision.
Personal goals and growth – discuss how you will support each other grow as individuals whilst still maintaining a strong partnership. Women just like men have personal goals and aspirations. Sharing these prior to marriage ensures you are setting yourselves for success.
Future family plans – talk about your desires regarding having children. Do you both want to have children, how many and when. These are all discussions that have a profound impact especially on the woman. Openly discussing this before marriage helps in making informed decisions.
Support network – talk about the importance of support from family and friends and how your relationship will fit into your broader social circle. I watched a movie where a gentleman expected his new wife to stop seeing her friends because they were not married. Shocking I know but I am sure such things happen. Outside of romantic relationships, we all need strong support networks. Ensure you are on the same page on the role of such networks in your individual lives.
Whilst these are important conversations to have before marriage, they should be ongoing and adaptable as your circumstances change. Your aspirations might change with time as you evolve and grow, therefore open communication should continue.
I obviously only focused on conversations that pertain to career and work. There are other equally important conversations that are also important to have before marriage such as financial planning. Hopefully in a future post I will talk about it.
I would love to hear your views on this important topic in the comments.
Mum In Stilettos 